Wow. Appropriate response on your part.

Yikes! I keep wanting to get a dash cam....but just seems like a pain. Maybe when I have to start commuting to work again.

this is what i have. works pretty good with some light. not very good with no light
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07MX47TF9/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_image?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I'd say if you ever look at your phone while driving do not get this type of camera or disable the rearwards cam so you don't incriminate yourself, just in case. I got it for Uber purposes so it records passengers just in case there is any shit happens while one onboard.
if you want front and rear cams get the ones that are separated, like this one https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B0788P7KJQ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_image?ie=UTF8&psc=1
64GB memory card (sold separately) has enough space to save about day and a half of recording (in hi-res) so if anything interesting happens you need to get it off the card right away or it will be overwritten quick

wiring kits make it so much cleaner! most people don't even notice the dash cam, or not right away anyways
no wires dangling upfront, no plugs taking up your charger ports. easy to install, just push the wire in behind the moldings and sneak it under the dash
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B078T5T21G/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_image?ie=UTF8&psc=1