I hear that holding your GF's head under the covers and farting is no longer called a "Dutch Oven". Instead, it's called a Covid Test.

If she can smell it or taste it, it's negative.

CNN asked Joe Biden why he doesn't golf like Trump did.

Biden says 'Too many strokes'..

Frog comes into a bank and wants a loan. Mrs. Whack, the loan officer says, "I can't give you a loan, I don't know you".

"I'm Kermit." says the frog.

"No you're not!" says Mrs. Whack.

"Not that Kermit, Kermit Jagger. Mick Jagger is my dad. He was stoned and boinked my mom one night back in the 80's during his amphibian phase." replied the frog.

Mrs Whack: "Oh, well that make a big difference, do you have any collateral?"

The frog pulls a pink elephant figurine with chrome and gold trim accents out of his pocket and hands it to the lady. She's not too sure about it and says she has to check with her supervisor. She knocks on the supervisors door. He says "Come in Patty, what's up?" She explains the situation and says she doesn't know what the collateral is or if she should grant the loan. The supervisor says........

Spoiler: show

"It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!

Yeah, you're groaning, but you're gonna try to remember it to tell the next guy!

that's frog

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. Since the minimum wage was increased to $15 the owner had to replace his regular human bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says," 168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious..So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Biden?"

family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to Hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the Devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the Devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally, Trump gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When finished, the Devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the Devil why Trump got to call the USA so cheaply.The Devil smiles and replies, "Since Biden took over, the country’s gone to hell, so it's a local call."

A LEO pulls over a couple and he asks the husband if he knew how fast he was going.

The Husband replies, "The speed limit sir."
"He was speeding officer," The wife interrupts.
"Shut up dear," The husband says to his wife irately.

The police then asked why the husband's seatbelt is off.

"I took it off when you came over to get my wallet," The husband says.
"He never wears one," She interrupts.
The husband, visibly angry, yells "Shut the sam-hell up woman!"

The police asks her, "Is your husband's temper this quick always?"

"Oh no, Officer," She replies casually, "Only when he is drinking."

What’s the difference between a pussy and a cunt?

A pussy is soft, warm, tight and wonderful.

A cunt is the thing that owns it.

Didya hear about the upcoming Netflix documentary on the history of menstruation?




Yeah....it's a period piece.

*BA-DUM-tsss*

Boooo!

Goes along well with the Impressive Salesman selling you a blood stained couch as a fine period piece.

There is a rugby song called the wild west show, and has punchlines line this....

The tattoo lady has the words FIRE on one thigh and BRIMSTONE on the other, she opens her legs and it looks like Hell!

A woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap.
"Because he used to live in a brothel," says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laugh too.
.
.
.
When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"