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It is currently Wed Apr 17, 2024 10:16 pm
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JOKE OF THE DAY-POINTS FOR SPIT COFFEE ON YER KEYBOARD STUFF
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jukk0u
Site Supporter
Location: Lynnwood and at large Joined: Wed May 1, 2013 Posts: 21260
Real Name: Vick Lagina
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I hear that holding your GF's head under the covers and farting is no longer called a "Dutch Oven". Instead, it's called a Covid Test.
If she can smell it or taste it, it's negative.
_________________ “Finding ‘common ground’ with the thinking of evil men is a fool’s errand” ~ Herschel Smith
"The said Constitution shall never be construed to authorize Congress to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms." ~ Samuel Adams
“A return to First Principles in a Republic is sometimes caused by simple virtues of a single man. His good example has such an influence that the good men strive to imitate him, and the wicked are ashamed to lead a life so contrary to his example. Before all else, be armed!” ~ Niccolo Machiavelli
Láodòng zhèng zhūwèi zìyóu
FJB
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Wed Feb 17, 2021 9:40 pm |
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TechnoWeenie
Site Supporter
Location: Nova Laboratories Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 Posts: 18453
Real Name: Johnny 5
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CNN asked Joe Biden why he doesn't golf like Trump did.
Biden says 'Too many strokes'..
_________________NO DISASSEMBLE!Thomas Paine wrote: "He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself."
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Wed Feb 17, 2021 10:05 pm |
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Traut
Site Supporter
Location: Downtown Newcastle Joined: Sat Mar 5, 2016 Posts: 3447
Real Name: Traut
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Frog comes into a bank and wants a loan. Mrs. Whack, the loan officer says, "I can't give you a loan, I don't know you". "I'm Kermit." says the frog. "No you're not!" says Mrs. Whack. "Not that Kermit, Kermit Jagger. Mick Jagger is my dad. He was stoned and boinked my mom one night back in the 80's during his amphibian phase." replied the frog. Mrs Whack: "Oh, well that make a big difference, do you have any collateral?" The frog pulls a pink elephant figurine with chrome and gold trim accents out of his pocket and hands it to the lady. She's not too sure about it and says she has to check with her supervisor. She knocks on the supervisors door. He says "Come in Patty, what's up?" She explains the situation and says she doesn't know what the collateral is or if she should grant the loan. The supervisor says........ - Spoiler: show
- "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!
Yeah, you're groaning, but you're gonna try to remember it to tell the next guy!
_________________ I always thought growing old would take a lot longer.....
So, when does that "Old enough to know better" shit kick in??? I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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Thu Feb 18, 2021 7:53 am |
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hkcavalier
Site Supporter
Location: NE WA Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 Posts: 5484
Real Name: The Dude
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Traut wrote: Frog comes into a bank and wants a loan. Mrs. Whack, the loan officer says, "I can't give you a loan, I don't know you". "I'm Kermit." says the frog. "No you're not!" says Mrs. Whack. "Not that Kermit, Kermit Jagger. Mick Jagger is my dad. He was stoned and boinked my mom one night back in the 80's during his amphibian phase." replied the frog. Mrs Whack: "Oh, well that make a big difference, do you have any collateral?" The frog pulls a pink elephant figurine with chrome and gold trim accents out of his pocket and hands it to the lady. She's not too sure about it and says she has to check with her supervisor. She knocks on the supervisors door. He says "Come in Patty, what's up?" She explains the situation and says she doesn't know what the collateral is or if she should grant the loan. The supervisor says........ - Spoiler: show
- "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!
Yeah, you're groaning, but you're gonna try to remember it to tell the next guy!
_________________ "Wherever you go, there you are."
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Thu Feb 18, 2021 2:54 pm |
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stoney
Location: brush prairie, wa Joined: Mon Nov 5, 2012 Posts: 298
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that's frog
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Fri Feb 19, 2021 12:18 pm |
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Wetpaperbag
Site Supporter
Location: olympia Joined: Sat Sep 21, 2013 Posts: 3784
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Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. Since the minimum wage was increased to $15 the owner had to replace his regular human bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says," 168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious..So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Biden?"
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Mon Feb 22, 2021 12:02 pm |
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Norman89
Site Supporter
Location: Eatonville Joined: Mon Sep 14, 2020 Posts: 621
Real Name: Marcus
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family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
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Thu Feb 25, 2021 8:56 am |
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AR15L
Site Supporter
Location: Nampa, Idaho Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2011 Posts: 19462
Real Name: Rick
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Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to Hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the Devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the Devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check. Finally, Trump gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When finished, the Devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the Devil why Trump got to call the USA so cheaply.The Devil smiles and replies, "Since Biden took over, the country’s gone to hell, so it's a local call."
_________________ ‘What’s the point of being a citizen if an illegal gets all the benefits’
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Wed Jun 02, 2021 7:29 am |
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chuckisduck
Site Supporter
Location: Lynnwood Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2020 Posts: 789
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A LEO pulls over a couple and he asks the husband if he knew how fast he was going.
The Husband replies, "The speed limit sir." "He was speeding officer," The wife interrupts. "Shut up dear," The husband says to his wife irately.
The police then asked why the husband's seatbelt is off.
"I took it off when you came over to get my wallet," The husband says. "He never wears one," She interrupts. The husband, visibly angry, yells "Shut the sam-hell up woman!"
The police asks her, "Is your husband's temper this quick always?"
"Oh no, Officer," She replies casually, "Only when he is drinking."
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Wed Jun 02, 2021 9:28 am |
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Gasitman
Site Supporter
Location: Fife Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011 Posts: 1688
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What’s the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
A pussy is soft, warm, tight and wonderful.
A cunt is the thing that owns it.
_________________ A long time ago we had empires run by emperors. Then we had kingdoms run by kings. And now we have countries run by Cu…
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Wed Jun 02, 2021 3:57 pm |
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hkcavalier
Site Supporter
Location: NE WA Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 Posts: 5484
Real Name: The Dude
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Didya hear about the upcoming Netflix documentary on the history of menstruation?
Yeah....it's a period piece.
*BA-DUM-tsss*
_________________ "Wherever you go, there you are."
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Fri Jun 04, 2021 9:00 pm |
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Mange
Site Supporter
Location: puyallup Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2018 Posts: 215
Real Name: Mange
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Boooo!
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Sat Jun 05, 2021 1:50 pm |
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chuckisduck
Site Supporter
Location: Lynnwood Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2020 Posts: 789
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hkcavalier wrote: Didya hear about the upcoming Netflix documentary on the history of menstruation?
Yeah....it's a period piece.
*BA-DUM-tsss* Goes along well with the Impressive Salesman selling you a blood stained couch as a fine period piece. There is a rugby song called the wild west show, and has punchlines line this.... The tattoo lady has the words FIRE on one thigh and BRIMSTONE on the other, she opens her legs and it looks like Hell!
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Mon Jun 07, 2021 12:48 pm |
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chuckisduck
Site Supporter
Location: Lynnwood Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2020 Posts: 789
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A woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap. "Because he used to live in a brothel," says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laugh too. . . . When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"
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Fri Jun 11, 2021 7:18 pm |
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AR15L
Site Supporter
Location: Nampa, Idaho Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2011 Posts: 19462
Real Name: Rick
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_________________ ‘What’s the point of being a citizen if an illegal gets all the benefits’
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Sat Jun 26, 2021 5:51 am |
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