I smiled...........

Definition of Virgin Wool: Sheep run faster than the shepherd.

Man, I love bad jokes...

Whats Irish and stays out all night?



Patio Furniture


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I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend this morning who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'.
'Wow!' I was flabbergasted. 'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now', I said, 'I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'
She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'.
'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!'
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a greatlover.
Anyway, she giggled and said, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!'
So I told her to call me when she lost the weight...LOL...

I seem to recall we have someone here that likes cake. Here is an idea he can use at his work:

Three retired guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table. Pablo, Sportsdad and Isildur.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"
Sportsdad says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."
The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could lick their nose but never have I ever seen one that could lick his eye. I'll take that bet."

So Sportsdad reaches up, pulls out his glass eye, licks it, and puts it back in his eye socket.
The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me."
He brings the guys a pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar.

When that pitcher starts to get low the barkeep comes back and asks, "Are you gentlemen ready for another?"
Isildur speaks up and says "I'll bet you another pitcher of your finest beer that I can bite my ear."
The barkeep hesitates for a moment and looks at the guy's left ear, his right ear, and says, "There's no way you've got an artificial ear. I'll take that bet."

Isildur reaches up, pulls out his false teeth, bites his ear with them, and puts them back in his mouth.
The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me again."
He brings the guys another pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar.

A little later Pablo is drunk and not to be outdone by Isildur and Sportsdad, he gets up and staggers over to the bar and lays a $100 bill on the bar saying, "I'll bet you a hundred that I can pee and fill 10 shot glasses lined up on the bar with their rims touching without spilling a drop on the bar from 3 feet away."
The barkeep says, "It'll be worth $100 to see that so I bet you can't do it."
He puts his own $100 on the bar, lines up 10 shot glasses and steps back.
Pablo whips it out and pees all over the shot glasses, the bar, and the floor.

The barkeep picks up the two $100 bills with a smile on his face, gets out his towel and starts to wipe it up. He then notices Pablo is smiling and says, "I just made $100, you just LOST $100, why are you smiling??"
Pablo says, "you see the guys over there I've been drinking with all this time?
I just bet them $1,000 each that I could come over here, pee all over the bar, and that you'd wipe it up with a smile on your face.

Ha! That fucking Pablo!

Hey us retired guys are living on a fixed income, gotta do what we can to increase the revenue stream!

I plan to professionally dance in retirement homes down to a G string once COVID quits....

I'm usually the butt in the joke. Pretty good!! Hahhahahahaaha

True story, now keep in mind I'm old and mostly bald:

We were in a long line at Home Depot. Finally get to the cashier, and I'm paying with a bunch of dollar bills. I apologize to the cashier, saying "Sorry about all the ones, I strip at the senior center." Her and the entire line crack up. My wife was so embarrassed.

LOL! That's where my wife comes in with a statement like "SORRY FOLKS, I cant take him anywhere!"