The best part of that one? I copied it and pasted it into Word for printing.

Word wavy-underlined "logger" in green every time it showed up next to "sells" - apparently the idea that a logger can sell his logs on the open market is now grammatically incorrect at Microsoft!

We had a power outage at my house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad, ham radio & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person

I have a generator

When a big thunder storm comes when I am out playing golf, most on the course run for cover. I just take out my 1 iron and stand in the middle of the fairway with the club held high over my head and wait for the storm to pass. I do not fear the lighting because I know not even GOD can hit a 1 iron.

One day a man decided to retire...



He booked himself on a Caribbean
cruise and proceeded to have the
time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.


He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.



After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks,"Where did you
come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman."I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a
Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman.
"On the south side of the island, a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.
I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed.
"I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh it's not coconut juice," winks the woman.
"I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"



Trying to hide his continued amazement,
the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing
but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of
gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down
next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months.
You must have been lonely. When was the
last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
!
!
!
!
"You've built a Golf Course?"

Love it!

This looks like something the Everett Herald would write.

Husband and wife just got home from a movie. Husband mentioned to his wife "you seemed distracted during the movie, is everything OK?"

Wife responded "yes, I was distracted. The man sitting alongside me was masturbating".

Husband said "why didn't you just tell him to quit?"

Wife: "That would have been difficult, he was using my hand".

As men age, we start seeing more and more of the

medical world and its employees, which nowadays

seems to have more and more women as our

Physicians and Therapists ETC. And in this case

a new Urologist for me.

My family Doctor just recently referred me to a

just out of medical school female urologist.

I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely

drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I must stop masturbating.

I asked her why, and she said, "Because I'm

trying to examine you......"

^ LMAO!

A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said, ‘Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.’ "

"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that, she actually said... 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign!'”

CHILDREN WITH A FUTURE.

Amazing adaptability.